When I was working as a floor nurse on a medical-surgical burn/trauma unit at a Level 1 Trauma Hospital, the chaos was constant. If you've never been in that environment, let me paint a picture: Level 1 means we took the most severe, life-threatening cases. We dealt with everything from routine surgeries to severe car accidents, violence-related injuries, and devastating burns. On any given night, I had no idea what I was walking into. One minute, I'd be tending to a post-op patient, and the next, I’d be running a code—because someone wasn’t breathing or had no pulse. The emotional rollercoaster that came with those shifts was intense, especially as a new grad.
Disclaimer: The tactic described here is not meant to replace professional help or serve as a diagnosis. I am not a mental health practitioner. If you’re experiencing severe anxiety, depression, or any other mental health concerns, I encourage you to seek help from a licensed mental health professional. Your mental health is important, and reaching out for support is a powerful step.
How It Works:
Hal Elrod’s 5-minute rule is simple but powerful. When something goes wrong—whether it’s something small or life-altering—it’s perfectly okay to feel upset. But only for five minutes. After that, it’s time to say, “Can’t change it,” and move forward.
But sometimes, life throws bigger challenges at you—ones that might require more emotional weight and time to process, but the 5-minute rule can still help you regain control.
Elrod explains that our negative emotions come from resisting reality. We wish things were different, but we can't undo what’s already happened. He emphasizes that while we can't always change what happens to us, we can choose how we interpret and respond to it. As he puts it, “Everything happens for a reason, but it’s our responsibility to choose the reasons.”
I realized pretty quickly that I couldn’t let my emotions get in the way of what I needed to do. That’s when I started my own version of what I’d later find out was Hal Elrod's 5-minute Rule. I’d give myself five seconds to let whatever emotion I was feeling—fear, sadness, frustration—wash over me. Five seconds to feel it fully, and then I’d push it down and get to work. No matter what was happening around me, I knew one thing for sure: I couldn’t control every outcome, but I could control how I responded.
Recently, I came across Hal Elrod’s explanation of the 5-minute rule, and it hit home. I thought, “That’s what I’ve been doing my entire career, but now I have a name for it.”
Disclaimer: The tactic described here is not meant to replace professional help or serve as a diagnosis. I am not a mental health practitioner. If you’re experiencing severe anxiety, depression, or any other mental health concerns, I encourage you to seek help from a licensed mental health professional. Your mental health is important, and reaching out for support is a powerful step.
How It Works:
Hal Elrod’s 5-minute rule is simple but powerful. When something goes wrong—whether it’s something small or life-altering—it’s perfectly okay to feel upset. But only for five minutes. After that, it’s time to say, “Can’t change it,” and move forward.
Here’s a step-by-step breakdown of how to use the 5-minute rule:
Step 1: When something goes wrong or frustrates you, set a timer for five minutes. During this time, let yourself feel everything. Scream, cry, punch a pillow—whatever you need to do to let the emotions out. Don't hold back.
Step 2: When the timer goes off, it’s time to accept that you can’t change what happened. Acknowledge that while the event might have been painful or frustrating, you do have control over how you respond moving forward.
Step 3: Say out loud, “Can’t change it,” and then consciously choose your next action. Focus your energy on what you can control, rather than what’s already happened.
It’s important to note that this rule isn’t meant to ignore deep-seated problems or issues that need more attention. This is for those stressful, chaotic, in-the-moment frustrations—the kind of moments that can throw off your day but don’t necessarily require deep introspection.
Examples of when to use the 5-minute rule:
- It’s pouring rain on the day of your outdoor party.
- Your kid just drew all over the freshly painted walls.
- You spill coffee all over your brand-new outfit right before a big meeting.
- You're stuck in traffic and running late for an important appointment.
- Your laptop crashes, and you lose hours of work because you forgot to save the latest version.
- A flight gets canceled while traveling, forcing you to scramble to rebook everything.
But sometimes, life throws bigger challenges at you—ones that might require more emotional weight and time to process, but the 5-minute rule can still help you regain control.
Larger-scale examples where the 5-minute rule can help:
- You lose your job unexpectedly. After the initial shock, give yourself those five minutes to process the anger, fear, or frustration. Then, remind yourself that while you can’t change losing the job, you can decide your next move—whether that’s looking for new opportunities or taking a moment to regroup.
- A significant relationship comes to an end. Breakups or separations are tough. Once you’ve let yourself feel the hurt, acknowledge that you can’t undo what’s happened. Then ask yourself, “What’s my next step to heal and move forward?”
- You face a medical diagnosis you weren’t prepared for. In those first moments, it's natural to feel overwhelmed. Use the 5-minute rule to allow yourself to fully experience your emotions, but then focus on what you can control—researching treatment options, talking to your support system, or seeking a second opinion.
- You didn’t get into a program or opportunity you were aiming for. The rejection stings, but after five minutes of letting that disappointment flow, remind yourself that it’s not the end of the road. You can use it as motivation to pursue other paths or apply again in the future.
Elrod explains that our negative emotions come from resisting reality. We wish things were different, but we can't undo what’s already happened. He emphasizes that while we can't always change what happens to us, we can choose how we interpret and respond to it. As he puts it, “Everything happens for a reason, but it’s our responsibility to choose the reasons.”
In nursing, just like in life, bad things happen that we can’t control. But accepting that reality creates emotional neutrality. You stop wasting energy on wishing things were different and start focusing on what you can do next. This isn’t about pretending everything is fine or forcing yourself to be happy when you’re not. It’s about reaching a state of peace, where you’re not consumed by anger, frustration, or sadness because you've accepted the things you can't change.
Bringing It Home:
I don’t use my five-second rule as often anymore, but Hal Elrod’s 5-minute rule? That’s something I’ve fully embraced. It’s a mindset shift that allows me to actively steer myself toward acceptance and emotional neutrality, even in the most challenging situations. And that’s the beauty of it—it’s not about pretending things are great when they aren’t. It’s about giving yourself the gift of peace by accepting life as it is, so you can intentionally choose your next steps.
In the fast-paced, high-stress world of nursing, this rule was a lifeline. But it’s something we can all use in everyday life. Whether you’re facing a setback at work, a difficult conversation, or an unexpected turn of events, the 5-minute rule gives you a way to acknowledge your emotions, accept the situation, and move forward with intention. Because while we can’t control everything, we can always control how we respond. Protect your peace.
You got this.
You got this.
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